Most guys have personal growth backward – and you might have focused on the wrong thing all this time, too.
We’ve all been unhappy with where we are in life, business, or our relationships.
And in a good, old-fashioned manly manner, we try to fix the problem.
This usually means:
Work harder
Talk to your partner
Try a new, exciting hobby
These are a great start, but they have one problem in common.
They’re external fixes.
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama
We do what we’ve learned – work harder, get better at flirting, buy a new car…
And it helps – for a short while.
Sooner or later, you fall back into the same old patterns like a rigged Roulette wheel. I know because I’ve experienced it many times.
I got a new partner but fought the same fights. I started a new business but faced the same problems. I bought new stuff but felt the same emptiness.
Why does this happen – and how do we stop the cycle and finally grow to a new level?
This Is Why You’re Stuck On The Same Level
If you experience the same issues repeatedly, it has one simple reason.
You’re still the same person.
Now, I know what you might think.
“I’m not the same person as ten years ago! I’ve changed! I’m much older, more experienced, my life is completely different.”
Yes, I agree with you. Your life is different – on the outside, just like mine was.
I sold everything and traveled the world for three years. I quit a prestigious graduate program to start blogging online. I changed my surroundings like Kim Kardashian lip fillers.
Yet, I still carried the same beliefs, emotions, and perspectives – and this created the same life experience.
Endless hustle. Toxic relationships. Never feeling enough.
Until I finally did what I should’ve done long ago.
I looked on the inside.
What Really Determines What You Get From Life
Most people have personal growth backward.
They work their butt off to create the life they want – but their core beliefs always pull them back.
They follow strategy after strategy, set up fancy systems, and follow the super secret relationship hacks.
There’s nothing wrong with it, but you have to understand that the external world conforms to your internal world, not the other way around.
In simple terms:
What you believe, you create and experience.
Your brain is a goal-achieving machine. The universe responds to the energy you send out. If you combine both, it makes it easy to see that:
If you believe you aren’t worthy of true, unconditional love, you’ll attract people who confirm this belief.
If you believe you have to grind your butt off and can’t take time off, you’ll create endless hustle.
If you believe you need more to be happy and aren’t worthy with what you have right now, nothing will ever be enough.
And if you believe the opposite, you will create the opposite.
I have seen it in my clients and myself countless times.
The person you are creates the life you experience – on every level.
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” – James Allen
The external is just a mirror of the internal. The optimist and the pessimist will look at the same event and see two completely different things. Glass half full. Glass half empty. Glass with Vodka (if you’re Russian.)
This means that if you want true, lasting, fundamental, through-the-roof personal growth, there’s only one thing to do.
Change your identity.
This 3-Step Process Will Help You Jump To The Next Level
Changing your identity is insanely powerful because it takes care of everything else.
You won’t have to micromanage your social interactions if you are charismatic and socially confident.
A great, healthy relationship will naturally happen if you heal old wounds and become the most amazing version of yourself.
You will experience financial abundance if you focus on what you have and what you can do and stop focusing on a lack of resources.
This isn’t some woo-woo hippie stuff.
It’s simple cause and effect. Look at all the successful athletes, the big visionaries who changed the world, and the everyday people who made their dreams happen.
They believed in their desired reality on the inside before they experienced it on the outside.
They became a version of themselves who already had what they wanted so it’s only natural that what they wanted followed.
And you can do the same – here’s how to shift your identity quickly:
Let go of your limiting beliefs
Repeated thoughts become beliefs.
When these beliefs tie you to your current reality, they limit you.
“Making money is hard”
“All women are irrational, emotional, etc.”
“I have to work my butt off to get XYZ”
Like a ship that sets sail for the next harbor, you have to loosen the lines and hoist the anchor that keeps you stuck in your current reality.
Use these questions as starting points:
“What do I believe about the thing I want and myself regarding it?” (e.g. I’m not good at making money, I always attract these kinds of people, I can’t this and that…”)
Where does this belief come from and is it necessarily true?
What evidence do I have for the contrary?
What’s a better belief that serves me more?
Take some time to journal on these.
What you think, you believe.
What you believe, you create.
What you create, you experience.
Start feeling like you already have what you want
Thought alone is a good start.
It helps you set the route to the harbor of your new identity.
But to steer your ship, you need to look at your emotions – they’re like the rudder adjusting your course.
Feelings are the bridge between body and mind.
If you feel stressed, it creates more anxious thoughts and causes your body to tense up, making you more likely to act out of scarcity and fear.
If you feel relaxed, you create happy thoughts and make your body feel bliss, making it more likely to act out of abundance and inspiration.
So, ask yourself:
How would I feel if I had already achieved the thing I want?
Envision this experience. Close your eyes and step into that version of yourself. Feel it.
What you feel, you become.
Take aligned action
Actions drive results.
But most people fall victim to the classic “when… then” fallacy.
“When my wife acts right, I’ll be more understanding and calm.”
“When I have more money, I’ll tip better and worry less about cash.”
“When I see results at the gym, I’ll double down on it and eat healthy, too.”
That’s like saying “When we get our ship to the next harbor, we’ll set sail and start rowing.”
Instead, act like the version of yourself who already has what you want.
How would you deal with money if you were wealthy already? How would you spend, invest, save, and earn?
How would you show up in your relationship if you were the most amazing, understanding, loving, and supportive husband and had an equally amazing wife already?
How would you go through your life if you were already happy, free of worry, and at peace?
You don’t need to blow your retirement savings on a Ferrari. Your millionaire self wouldn’t break his bank with an out-of-budget mansion, either.
It’s about the energy and motivation your actions come from – e.g. “I buy the healthy, expensive food because it’s an investment in myself.”
This is how you align yourself with your new reality, in everything you do.
Internal change creates external results.
Wrap-Up to Help You 10X Your Personal Growth
You’re probably familiar with Thomas Jefferson’s quote:
“If you want what you never had, you have to do what you’ve never done.”
Today, you have the chance to understand it on a much deeper level.
It’s not just about doing new things.
It’s about leaving your old patterns behind because they created your current reality.
Instead, start thinking, feeling, and acting like the person who already has what you want.
This will boost your personal growth and massively improve your results for three reasons.
1. You will no longer repeat the same patterns that got you into your current situation.
2. You will walk your own path, one that is focused on creating the reality you want.
3. What you believe, you create and experience. Your beliefs shape your reality.
Thoughts. Feelings. Actions.
They are in your control.
Stop responding to your reality.
Create it instead.
